“HOW ARE YOU?”

Disclaimer: The following post may contain content that is sensitive to viewers.

“Hey there, long time no see!” she says.

“Hey! Been forever since I saw you!” I replied.

“How are you Diya?” she inquired.

Well, I am not doing too great. I feel extremely exhausted for no reason. I think it’s because of the lack of sleep or maybe the overload in work. I feel a bit empty too, even though I am surrounded by the ones I love but I can’t feel their warmth per se. My mind is constantly blank, I cannot work out simple things anymore. My memory well- better not go there. I don’t remember the names of things I constantly used to be exposed to, it takes a while to get the rusty brain working, I guess.

Food I used to like now I hate. A person who used to live to eat has now become someone who eats to live. Chocolates and Ice Cream are the only things I look forward to now. The rest of it doesn’t provide me with the short-term feel-good effect anymore. Sleep I struggle with, the dreams I dream about keep me awake, the thoughts I think about keep me awake, the what-ifs keep me awake, the constant negative statements keep me awake. I keep myself awake, but at the same time, I try my best to sleep. Because when I sleep the reality pains me no more.

I have soo much work to complete but soo little energy. It’s not like I tire myself every day but still, I cannot pick myself up and get work done. I don’t know why I feel this way or when I started losing myself to become this person I don’t know. Well, I think I know what lead me here, but I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to come to terms with it. I cry myself to sleep most days, but people don’t know that. I like it that way. If they know they will call me weak. Think of me weak. But little do they know how strong I am, to continue with all this pain and try to get myself through this. When I heard of a friend cutting herself, I couldn’t understand why. Why would you hurt yourself on purpose? But now I understand.

People still don’t notice that my old self disappeared or maybe it’s because I don’t want them to notice. I smile, while deep inside I am paining. I smile while deep inside I am fighting demons they don’t know of. I smile while fighting myself to live. I smile while trying to be happy again.

“I am doing fine! How are you and your family?” I ask while smiling.

I am fine is all I say. Because they won’t understand me, and nor would they believe me. It’s too much of feeling to explain.

“Oh, I am doing better than ever. Mama, papa and mo are doing all fine.” She exclaimed.

All I could wonder is if she was being honest with me. Is she actually fine?

I would like to end by asking you, how are you?

47 thoughts on ““HOW ARE YOU?”

  1. That’s such a loaded question and most people tend to give the standard reply of “I’m fine”. It feels like too much of a struggle to explain at times and most of the times, we don’t feel like explaining.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow, on-point Nabeeha!
    Most of the time, when someone asks me how I am, I just say ‘I’m fine Alhamdulillah, you?’ accompanied with this smile that I do. Its like my body is on autopilot, and I really don’t want to get into how I’m really feeling, because it seems like too much to handle at the time. This post really hit home.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Omg same! I say the same thing.
      Glad you could somewhat relate. It’s not like people are going to understand as well, once you say I am not fine. Much safer to stick to I am fine. But I wrote this post to encourage others to open up about their feelings and not bottle everything up! ♥️🙌

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Everyone’s automatic answer to “How are you?” Is “I’m fine”. Even when we’re not. Sometimes, I don’t think about the question anymore, I just answer immediately cause where do I even begin?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “Sometimes I like to pretend that I’m fine, but deep down I know that I’m dying inside.” -Hilary

    This is a snippet from a poem I wrote a while ago. Most days, I’m not fine and have to pretend that I am. If only we could answer that question truthfully: “No, I’m not fine.” A fully loaded answer for a fully loaded question. As an experiment, I challenge you to answer truthfully to at least one person just to see their reaction. It could even be a stranger.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you! It’s posted under the poetry section of my blog, but it’s been a while so I don’t remember the exact title of the poem 😅

        I usually respond with something like, “thanks for asking. I’m doing okay, but things could be better.” Or “truthfully I’m having a bad day, so I’m not ‘fine.’ Thanks for checking up on me though!”

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Sometimes when we say “I’m fine”, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we are actually feeling fine. Inspite of that, we still have the courage to put up a brave face and go ahead with the day.

    Really loved how you’ve structured this post. It’s so good and well written!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you could relate!

      Oh I hope you feel better! I feel exhausted as well, tired is something I have been saying for the past week, but I have done nothing to reduce this tiredness. At a spot where I can’t exactly take a break! 🙁 But hoping that things get a bit easier soon!💜

      Like

  6. One word for this post- Brilliant! This is the reality. I don’t even think the disclaimer was necessary. Everybody goes through this phase at some point whether or not they admit it. You are an incredibly empathetic human who knows what’s going on in a person beyond what their facade reflects. Could see that in this wonderful story. Well done, friend! 😊💐

    Liked by 1 person

  7. If I say “I’m okay”, “I’m alright” or just “I’m fine” – that means I’m not, but I’m scared to tell, or just don’t think it’s worth talking about. If I’m genuinely good, I will say “I’m good!” or “doing good” and will talk a bit about something happening in my life. If I say “I’m good” without talking a bit about something happening in my life, that might also be a sign that something’s wrong, though that will depend.

    Liked by 1 person

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